Part 3 of reconstruction completed today

Finally got to part three of my reconstruction today! It was absolutely a wonderful experience. God was there with me through the whole thing. The doctor was wonderful as were his assistants. The nurse even called me at home today to check on me. God gets the credit for all this - for allowing me to be here to tell this story, to putting the right doctors in my path, it's just a blessing.

I go back on Monday to be checked and hopefully soon can take a shower. I took one today so I'm good until tomorrow. Will just use the sink for my hair and do sponge baths until the doctor gives me the green light.

Had a great ride yesterday with Winnie and Diane. We started our ride in the wake of an incoming thunderstorm. We sang "For Those Tears I Died" - in 3 part harmony. We sounded great. We got a bit further but the lightening started to roll in so we turned around and headed for the church at the other end of the road. We got about half way and it started to rain. We galloped back to the barn and dismounted. I was so thankful that I got my ride and that my friends were willing to ride even with a looming storm threat. God is good to me.

Jim has been great through all of this with me. He's always there for me. God has blessed me across the board with family and friends who love and keep me lifted up.

I'll keep posting until my next procedure which is my tattoos. I think that will be fun - weird to think that - but have never thought in a million years I would ever get a tattoo. What a hoot!

Love ya!
Kelly

Day after 2nd Surgery - All is fine

I made it through! And no tubes! I have only a little pain - took a few narcotic pain killers. After 4:00 AM this morning I've only had two Tylenol. I may take a pill before bed, but that will probably be the last of it.

This surgery I came out a bit nauseous and had a scratch in the roof of my mouth where the breathing tube nicked it. Today my throat is a little horse and I have a bit of water in my ears, which is quickly dissipating. That is the worst of it. I have to wear bandages and a surgical bra until Wednesday and then I should be good to go from there. No more hospitals for a long while!

I am able to walk fine, feed my animals, make meals, etc. with no problem. I am taking it easy with lifting and raising my arms over my head. I have my underarms back to regular shape and I don't have the pressure on my ribcage anymore and my breasts aren't hard, but more natural feeling. I only feel a bit of pain where the new scars on the sides of my breasts are. I'm sure getting the bandages off will feel even more freeing.

Not much else to say. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I am truly blessed. And this journey is almost at it's end.

God's Blessings to all!

TTFN,
Kelly

Second surgery - breast reconstruction

It's been awhile since I last posted. I am doing well and in two days will have my second surgery behind me. I am a bit nervous about this surgery.

I had a car accident last Friday -  one week before this upcoming surgery. Weird thing - I had a car accident one week before my last surgery. This time it was my fault. Thank God no one was hurt. It was a weird experience. I am now always second guessing each driving move I make. I think I just need to relax and let God take control. I am really stressed out about this surgery. I worry about the anesthesia, the pain when I wake up, the pain over the next week. I keep praying about my circumstances and am trying to hand them all over to God. I need to glance at my circumstances and stare at Jesus.

I did this blog to help others understand what I went through and how I got through it. I felt God call me to do this. I just hope at least one person reads it and that it blesses them in some good way. I don't seem to have as many friends this go round - but that may be my fault. I have a tendency to push people away when I get worried about things and try to take complete control. I know there are people out there praying for me. My friend Judie, who has been through this journey more times than me, totally gets me and prays for me all the time. She has truly been a blessing.

I do mourn my breasts. I am not second guessing my decision to have them removed. I just miss my body parts. I am very thankful that I caught the cancer early and that I don't have to do chemo. I am happy to be alive. I think it is okay to mourn my breasts as long as I don't let it consume me, which it hasn't so far. I am slowly getting used to them being gone. I still don't like to look at myself in the mirror. I have two big scars across my chest. The doctor did a nice job - but I still gasp when I see myself. Time will heal this and once the nipples are added my chest will look more normal. If I was 20 years older - I would not have had the reconstruction. It has been very uncomfortable. My left shoulder always hurts when I lift weights or just lift my arm out to my side. It doesn't stop me from doing anything. I am even doing push ups. It is just a nuisance. I am pretty sure it is a result of the lymph nodes that were removed from my armpit. I don't have swelling or anything - just the pain - which is about a 1 or 2 out of 10. I have been working out daily - so I hope to eventually get rid of the pain completely.

I have decided to get silicone breast implants. The expanders are filled with saline and they are really hard. I undestand that the silicone implants feel more like natural breasts. There is a risk of the silicone leaking into my chest - but I will try it. If I need to have them replaced due to rupture within the next couple of years, I will go with saline and deal with it. I am hoping and praying that I won't have to replace these implants for a very long time. But at some point they will either have to be replaced or just removed. I will deal with that when I need to..

I will update this blog after the surgery. I'm not sure how I'll feel after the surgery on Friday. It is outpatient and I will be back home by that evening. I am told that I may have tubes this time but may not depending on how well the doctor feels I will heal. I will have to take antibiotics and narcotic pain killers for a few days. I am not looking forward to the side affects, but hopefully I won't need the pain killers for long. I am hoping to return to work maybe mid week next week. Jim is going to take the week off to take care of me, the kids and the house. He'll like the time off from work, but it will not be a vacation for him.

For my husband, Jim, and my kids J.J. and Jessica - I love you. You are my world. I am so glad that I have you in my life. Hugs and kisses to you all! And blessings to all my family and friends. You all mean so much to me.

I will do my best to rest as I get through this stage of my journey. It's great to be alive. Thanks God for my life! God Bless!

TTFN,
Kelly

2nd to Last Day of 2011

Hi All!

Well, it's almost the end of 2011 already. And what a year! This was the year I decided to lose weight, go to the dentist, and get myself checked out by my primary care physician. I did lose the weight (gained some back), got to the dentist multiple times (root canal, three cleanings, three fillings and a crown), found breast cancer in one breast (very very early, thank God), found out I had the BRCA2 gene mutation, got a double mastectomy and double oophorectomy, and breast reconstruction. All that and all I can say is THANK YOU LORD FOR MY LIFE!

I am not in pain, I am able to do everything I did before and I didn't have to go through more treatments above the reconstruction. I am truly blessed!!!! I learned a lot about myself this year. I found out that I really do need Jesus Christ for everything and that He is the way, the truth and the life! Reading healing scripture (reading the Bible daily also is a plus) and prayer by both myself and others really do work! I am loved by God, my family, and friends - and I love them, too! I have a reason for being here, and God has given me that reason and what I need to do His Will. I also know that I am not perfect and I am a work in progress. I am here to help others and I am also allowed to accept help from others. I am allowed to be happy and joyful and to have a positive attitude. I am allowed to have fun and not sit in my misery and feel sorry for myself asking God why. I am a righteous child of God and that is all I need to know!

I read a phrase on Facebook the other day from Joyce Meyer - "Glance at your circumstances - stare at Jesus". That really touched me. I am learning to glance at my circumstances - they are only temporary. Jesus is for eternity - I need to concentrate on Him! When I follow Him the rest of my life falls into place. My life's journey is to follow and work towards becoming Christ-like. I have a long way to go - but I am enjoying the journey.

Happy New Year All! May you have a happy, healthy, and blessed 2012.

Love,
Kelly

Christmas is Almost Here!

If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7 NLT

God's peace is what is keeping me going and in such great spirits. I am at the end of my reconstruction fill-ups - one more visit for the last 10cc's in each side and I am done. Then I sit tight and wait for 4-6 weeks until my outpatient implant surgery. I will be soooo glad to get these expanders out of me. They don't cause me to not be able to do my everyday stuff - they are just uncomfortable and are pretty rigid. I am now at a C cup and plan to stay that way. I am so glad that I have the opportunity for reconstruction. It helps me to feel more like my old self with something there than to be totally flat. I understand why some women don't go my route, it ain't easy. But I did this for me to keep me as close to normal as I can get. If something goes wrong and it implants don't work out for me - I know that I tried and will feel good about that.

Is everyone ready for Christmas? We are never ready until Christmas Day. We always have a great time. It will be a bit somber without my parents around to celebrate with us. We always wish my mother a happy birthday since she shares her birthday with Christ :-) We had such wonderful Christmas's growing up - with Dad and his 8MM camera and lights - it felt like we were in Hollywood - and the wonderful display of gifts that my mother so painstakenly set up for us.. We have those memories captured on film and can watch them anytime. I look forward to the day when I can watch them without tears - not sure if that will ever happen.

I have met and heard of so many people with cancer diagnoses. It's epidemic. What is going on? Is it all the chemicals in our food and water? Maybe it's our lifestyles of never getting exercise but always running (usually via internet or sitting in our cars) and eating fast food. I have to say I have not been doing well with my diet over the last few months. I need to get back to eating right and slimming down my portions. I sure do love to overindulge!

May you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Remember to keep the Christ in Christmas! And don't be afraid do tell someone "Merry Christmas" - it's not a sin! And if they don't like it they will tell you - but you can just state that this is who you are - you celebrate Christmas. If you are not a Christian - I still say Merry Christmas - I am wishing God's blessings and love on you.

Love and blessings to all!

Kelly

 

 

Latest "Fill Up"

Yesterday I went for me next fill up. We didn't add as much this time. My right breast (new one) seems to have more feeling and is more sensative. So it is currently smaller than the left side. I can't tolerate as much saline as I can on the left. It also has more skin left over after the surgery so is having trouble protruding outwards and is a little too far over to the right. The PS is taking his time and working to correct this.

It looks like I won't have the implant surgery until sometime in the Spring. I'm not really in any hurry, but the expanders are a bit uncomfortable at times. The pressure is the problem, not really painful. It takes me a little while at night in bed to get comfortable. The expanders are a little ungiving and harder than the implants will be. I am looking forward to the implants which are supposed to be much softer and more giving.

The left side is expanding very well and is very close to being to the size I want. I guess I will end up a C cup, which is fine. I was a B cup in my younger days, but that was before kids :-) The difference now is that they are no longer two saggy bags. The bad thing is the two scars, which will be re-cut and probably made straighter across at the next surgery.

I have been exercising and using free weights. The PS told me that I can do any exercise I want including push ups. I think I will wait on the push ups until after my surgeries are all over. I wasn't too good at them before the surgery.

Through all this God is in control. He is always there cheering me on through people and circumstances.

I got a great surprise on Monday. My husband and son's Karate school, Kraimer's Karate, collected three big boxes of groceries and gift cards for me and my family. I was so overwhelmed at the generosity and felt so blessed. What a great group of caring people! God's love shining through! One of the ladies at the school also had breast cancer and went through a lumpectomy and cancer treatments. I will be touching base with her soon to see how she is doing.

Do you see how God takes a bad circumstance like breast cancer, and turns it into many positive circumstances? Romans 8:28. God is so good!

We went to Jim's parent's this weekend and had dinner at my sister-in-law's house. I also go to visit with our friend, Judy. She also shares in her own breast cancer journey. She has not had it easy but has the best attitude and is such an inspiration to me. She prays for me daily and praises God every step of the way. She made a beautiful white scarf and wore it when she visited us. I liked it so much that she gave it to me. I will have to take a picture with it so all can see. Soon I'll be trying to post the cancer walk and cancer ride pictures I just need to get them scanned and figure out how to post them in this blog.

Hope all had a Happy Thanksgiving. And I hope you were able to thank God for all that you have and not complain about what you don't have. And I hope you were able to spend time with those you love.

Have a great day and week!
Love,
Kelly

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I have so much to be thankful for. I have my relationship with God, my family, my friends, a job, a house, lots of animals that love me unconditionally, and my health. I feel so blessed! I have overcome cancer and am well on the mend.

I spent today cooking, cleaning and eating. I got testy a few times, but all in all it was a good day. I was able to stay on my feet and do way more than I have in over two months. It was a good test for me. Last week I rode Chunky and did well. It's almost like nothing has happened to me.

I met with my oncologist on Tuesday. She tried to talk me into the chemotheraphy but I declined. She said she is an oncologist and that is what she does, so she had to ask one more time. She did finally say she respected my decision. I told her about my mother's reactions to the chemotherapy and my reluctance to have a similar fate. I seem to take after my mother in many ways. She also wants me to see another oncologist that deals with pancreas screenings due to my maternal uncle having and dying from pancreatic cancer. This same oncologist is moving onto another position in California and a new doctor is being assigned to me. I have decided to wait to see what this new doctor thinks. It turns out that this new oncologist specializes in genetics. I am to see her for a cancer screening in February (now every 3 months since I guess I am an at risk patient). I want to concentrate on my reconstruction for now and get that completed before starting any new possible procedures. The screening for pancreatic cancer sounds a bit invasive and I think I've done enough invasive procedures for awhile. If I am being screened every three months, anything that shows up should be caught early enough. I am not worried. God has taken care of the cancer and is keeping me healthy. I do need to lose the rest of my weight (about 35 pounds), so I need to get back on my diet and work to continue to lose the rest of my weight like I had planned before all this cancer stuff started.

I had a dental check up yesterday and have another cavity to get filled. So next month I am back to the dentist for a filling. I think I have been to the dentist this year more than I had been in my entire life before this year. My teeth are in pretty good shape for someone who did not frequent the dentist for years. But, it seems, now that I'm going, more problems are showing up. This was the year for many dental and doctor appointments.

I don't take anything that the doctors tell me lightly. I think through each thing they tell me, do research, pray, then decide on my course of action. I don't always agree with the doctors. It is my body and I have to do with it what I think is right. Above all I pray about each and every decision and I read the Bible. This always helps me to focus. God always leads me to the right decision and I am getting much better and paying attention and doing what he wants me to do. I am not perfect and I do panic sometimes and worry - but then I remember I have God's Peace within me and I am alright again.

Many of my friends tell me how strong they think I am. I am not strong, not alone I'm not. I am strong because God is carrying me through all of this. My Faith in God to get me through this journey and the people He has loved into my path - that is what has gotten me through. If you know me really well - you know I am a worrier and I don't uaually handle stress well. But you will also have to admit that I am alot more calm and happy than I would have been a few years ago. I believe I am being used by God to show what His Mercy, Grace, Peace and Love can do for you. If it works for me, it will definitely work for you. You just have to invite Him into your heart. He gave us all free will - you have the right to choose. "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice" - Free Will, Rush

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends and that you enjoyed the food and fellowship today. We are so blessed! It's nice to be able to give God thanks for what we have - to concentrate on what we have and not on what we don't.

Love to all! May God Bless your steps each and every day!
Kelly