Latest "Fill Up"

Yesterday I went for me next fill up. We didn't add as much this time. My right breast (new one) seems to have more feeling and is more sensative. So it is currently smaller than the left side. I can't tolerate as much saline as I can on the left. It also has more skin left over after the surgery so is having trouble protruding outwards and is a little too far over to the right. The PS is taking his time and working to correct this.

It looks like I won't have the implant surgery until sometime in the Spring. I'm not really in any hurry, but the expanders are a bit uncomfortable at times. The pressure is the problem, not really painful. It takes me a little while at night in bed to get comfortable. The expanders are a little ungiving and harder than the implants will be. I am looking forward to the implants which are supposed to be much softer and more giving.

The left side is expanding very well and is very close to being to the size I want. I guess I will end up a C cup, which is fine. I was a B cup in my younger days, but that was before kids :-) The difference now is that they are no longer two saggy bags. The bad thing is the two scars, which will be re-cut and probably made straighter across at the next surgery.

I have been exercising and using free weights. The PS told me that I can do any exercise I want including push ups. I think I will wait on the push ups until after my surgeries are all over. I wasn't too good at them before the surgery.

Through all this God is in control. He is always there cheering me on through people and circumstances.

I got a great surprise on Monday. My husband and son's Karate school, Kraimer's Karate, collected three big boxes of groceries and gift cards for me and my family. I was so overwhelmed at the generosity and felt so blessed. What a great group of caring people! God's love shining through! One of the ladies at the school also had breast cancer and went through a lumpectomy and cancer treatments. I will be touching base with her soon to see how she is doing.

Do you see how God takes a bad circumstance like breast cancer, and turns it into many positive circumstances? Romans 8:28. God is so good!

We went to Jim's parent's this weekend and had dinner at my sister-in-law's house. I also go to visit with our friend, Judy. She also shares in her own breast cancer journey. She has not had it easy but has the best attitude and is such an inspiration to me. She prays for me daily and praises God every step of the way. She made a beautiful white scarf and wore it when she visited us. I liked it so much that she gave it to me. I will have to take a picture with it so all can see. Soon I'll be trying to post the cancer walk and cancer ride pictures I just need to get them scanned and figure out how to post them in this blog.

Hope all had a Happy Thanksgiving. And I hope you were able to thank God for all that you have and not complain about what you don't have. And I hope you were able to spend time with those you love.

Have a great day and week!
Love,
Kelly

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I have so much to be thankful for. I have my relationship with God, my family, my friends, a job, a house, lots of animals that love me unconditionally, and my health. I feel so blessed! I have overcome cancer and am well on the mend.

I spent today cooking, cleaning and eating. I got testy a few times, but all in all it was a good day. I was able to stay on my feet and do way more than I have in over two months. It was a good test for me. Last week I rode Chunky and did well. It's almost like nothing has happened to me.

I met with my oncologist on Tuesday. She tried to talk me into the chemotheraphy but I declined. She said she is an oncologist and that is what she does, so she had to ask one more time. She did finally say she respected my decision. I told her about my mother's reactions to the chemotherapy and my reluctance to have a similar fate. I seem to take after my mother in many ways. She also wants me to see another oncologist that deals with pancreas screenings due to my maternal uncle having and dying from pancreatic cancer. This same oncologist is moving onto another position in California and a new doctor is being assigned to me. I have decided to wait to see what this new doctor thinks. It turns out that this new oncologist specializes in genetics. I am to see her for a cancer screening in February (now every 3 months since I guess I am an at risk patient). I want to concentrate on my reconstruction for now and get that completed before starting any new possible procedures. The screening for pancreatic cancer sounds a bit invasive and I think I've done enough invasive procedures for awhile. If I am being screened every three months, anything that shows up should be caught early enough. I am not worried. God has taken care of the cancer and is keeping me healthy. I do need to lose the rest of my weight (about 35 pounds), so I need to get back on my diet and work to continue to lose the rest of my weight like I had planned before all this cancer stuff started.

I had a dental check up yesterday and have another cavity to get filled. So next month I am back to the dentist for a filling. I think I have been to the dentist this year more than I had been in my entire life before this year. My teeth are in pretty good shape for someone who did not frequent the dentist for years. But, it seems, now that I'm going, more problems are showing up. This was the year for many dental and doctor appointments.

I don't take anything that the doctors tell me lightly. I think through each thing they tell me, do research, pray, then decide on my course of action. I don't always agree with the doctors. It is my body and I have to do with it what I think is right. Above all I pray about each and every decision and I read the Bible. This always helps me to focus. God always leads me to the right decision and I am getting much better and paying attention and doing what he wants me to do. I am not perfect and I do panic sometimes and worry - but then I remember I have God's Peace within me and I am alright again.

Many of my friends tell me how strong they think I am. I am not strong, not alone I'm not. I am strong because God is carrying me through all of this. My Faith in God to get me through this journey and the people He has loved into my path - that is what has gotten me through. If you know me really well - you know I am a worrier and I don't uaually handle stress well. But you will also have to admit that I am alot more calm and happy than I would have been a few years ago. I believe I am being used by God to show what His Mercy, Grace, Peace and Love can do for you. If it works for me, it will definitely work for you. You just have to invite Him into your heart. He gave us all free will - you have the right to choose. "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice" - Free Will, Rush

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends and that you enjoyed the food and fellowship today. We are so blessed! It's nice to be able to give God thanks for what we have - to concentrate on what we have and not on what we don't.

Love to all! May God Bless your steps each and every day!
Kelly

First Fillup Complete!

Today was a really great day. I have started my true reconstruction. I went to see my plastic surgeon, along with my husband. The doctor injected 100 cc's of saline in my left breast expander, and 60 cc's in my right. I have extra skin on the right side, so if that doesn't fill well, it will probably be removed to help both sides match and look balanced.

The process was painless and quick. I still don't have a lot of feeling in the skin near the scar tissue, so putting the needles through the skin was painless. The doctor went very slowly and made sure I was comfortable. He started to put in about 150 cc's in the left side, but decided to take it down to 100 cc so as not to make me too uncomfortable. I only feel a pressure on my chest. I can now wear whatever bra I want and can use my arms normally again. I've already been lifting them over my head for over a week - but now I'm truly allowed! The only thing he doesn't want me to do is to sleep on my stomach. This is fine with me as I am having trouble even sleeping on my sides. The expanders are a little stiff and ungiving - so I feel them pressing through my skin - a little unnerving.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am to God for helping me through all this. He has put all the right people in my path. I really think this has to do with my relationship with Him. He is helping me to use this experience for good - to show others that a great attitude and strong Faith can work wonders. And even when things don't go perfectly and people (including yours truly) fail - He's there to put it all right again! I am so happy to be alive and to be back to my normal self again. I am even planning to take a short ride on my horse this weekend. I will take it slow and easy - but I really need to get back to normal.

I also need to honor God by taking care of His temple - my body. I have been doing well with getting myself healthy - except for this week. I'm suddenly always hungry and eating too much. I am going to slow back down and get back on my diet. I need to drop the rest of my weight - about 30 additional pounds. I also need to get my muscles toned again. I feel like all the muscle tone I had put on has all completely gone away and left nothing but flab behind. I also need to drink more water and get off all food with soy in it - soy is supposed to be like estrogen - and many believe that it can cause cancer for those susceptible to it. I need to eat lest pre-packaged foods and more natural ones.

Next week I visit the oncologist. I'll know more about future care and what I can do to help with my menapausal symptoms which, for the most part, are very tolerable. I'm still colder than usual, but not like I was. I'm not weepy anymore and my mental abilities are much more acute than they have been since before the surgery. I can think better and remember things again. Life is great!

More next week after my oncologist appointment. I'm skipping Thanksgiving week for my second fill-up appointment and putting it off until the following Tuesday. I want to take this reconstruction slow and steady.

Have a Blessed week and weekend. Remember: God rocks all the time. He never changes and He is there for you - no matter what you are going through! God is love - so don't worry - He's got your back - just believe!

Love ya!
Kelly

Reconstruction Starts This Wednesday

If anyone wants to communicate with me and this blog is not easy to add comments to - my email address is kellyconboy@yahoo.com

I had my lastest visit with the Plastic Surgeon on Friday - all stitches are removed and I am ready to start my first filling of my expanders this Wednesday. I am told that this should not be a painful process. I am not sure how long this part of the process will take. But once I am filled to my original size before surgery, I can then undergo the outpatient procedure of replacing my expanders with my new saline-based implants. I am looking forward to getting passed that point! My chest no longer feels like I have a board across it. But I am having some shooting pains and mostly soreness from the tight sports bras I have been wearing.

I started work a week ago. I started on Monday and have worked full days each day except Friday -which was Veteran's Day. Thank you to any Veteran's or members of our Armed Forces. I and my family are so greatful to you for all you do! You have helped to make our country the greatest in the world! May God bless you in all you do!

I did spend time with my horses this weekend. It was mostly to get their hooves worked on - but also to see them and interact. Thanks to my husband for holding them. Chunky did extremely well. Poor Spice was so tenderfooted - which is why I had the farrier put shoes on all her hooves. Her hooves are so soft and her back hooves have been causing her much pain in the last few weeks. I'm hoping having the shoes will help keep her feet in good condition. Thanks to Donna, her feet were in great shape for shoes!

I'll keep you all posted as to how things go on Wednesday. My next visits are plastic surgeon, oncologist and dentist. Thanks to God and all the prayers that chemotherapy is not a part of my treatment! I am so thankful for that. I do pray for all the women and men that have to endure it. And I pray for a cure that will help anyone facing cancer not to have to endure those treatments!

God has been keeping me encouraged during my daily Bible readings and notes and calls from friends and family. The weepys are pretty much gone and my hot and cold flashes are lessening by the day.

Have a great week! Love and God's Blessings to you All!

Kelly

Today's Visit with the Oncologist

Well, I went to the Oncologist today. I wasn't too happy with her recommendation - 4 treatments of chemotherapy for breast cancer every three weeks. She told me that I am border-line for her recommending me for this treatment. My tumor was smaller than 1 centimeter and she said she usually doesn't recommend it for a tumor less than one centimeter and with no cancer showing up in breast during surgery or lymph nodes, but due to her not being completely sure of the size based on the lab trying to piece the pieces of the tumor from the needle biopsy back together and not being able to get a definitive size, she recommends the chemo. The statistics between me taking the treatments and not are about 9% difference. Basically, if I decide to go with the treatments, I am 9% less likely to develop another type of cancer such as pancreatic or peritoneal. This is not a big difference in my mind, so I am 99.99% sure at this point that I am opting to say no to this treatment.  In fact I consider this over-kill. The side-effects of chemo far outweigh the benefits in my mind. Other things like -  there is a very small chance that the chemotherapy could cause me to get leukemia; I would have to put off reconstruction treatment until well after I am over the chemotherapy; my immune system will suffer; I will lose all my hair (temporarily I am told) - all this for a 9% smaller chance of a cancer recurrence. I will still have to be monitored for the rest of my life either way by taking cancer screenings  - so that isn't a benefit. I just have a bad feeling about the chemo and what it did to my mother (chemo-therapy killed my mother when she had ovarian cancer). I also don't think my body can take much more. I am fine with my doctors removing tissue that could be impacted but I am not so sure about drugs that cannot guarantee me much of a difference and that cause so many side effects. The chances of me having a recurrence are very low now based on the surgeries I just had. So again, I say, overkill.

I had a very emotional conversation with God today about this chemotherapy. I told him how much I miss my parents and pets I have lost over the years. I told him I don't want to go through this chemotherapy, that I have done all that I think that I can bear. But I also told him if he wants me to go through with it that I will. And I ended my prayer by asking God for a sign if my request was the right choice (not having the chemotherapy). About 30 minutes later my daughter arrived home from school. She went on a search for a video of Nemo that we have. While going through our VHS tapes, she found some old unlabeled tapes. She put one into the VCR and then called me to the room. On the TV screen was a video scene from 1995, when my son (now 16) was about 8 months old, in my parents living room on Christmas morning. And in the room were my Mom and Dad (now deceased), front and center - just as I remember them - the years between then and now melting away. Then a few scenes later came a scene with my two dogs Zeus and Ulf, now deceased. These were the people and pets that I mentioned in my prayer to God shortly before watching this old family video. This was my sign from God that I have already done what He has asked of me and that I can move on without the chemotherapy. It was plain to me at that moment. Now I am 100% sure that I am not having the Chemotherapy treatments - God said so.

Other than that I am feeling a bit better today. We went to Victoria's Secrets after the appointment and got shaping inserts for my bra so I won't look so awfully flat until the reconstruction is completed. I am having trouble with hot flashes, and, believe it or not, cold flashes where I cannot get warm. I am hoping this part passes me - I don't like to be cold like that. I like Winter cold - but not this type where I can't get warm enough no matter how many blankets I put over me. I can handle the hot flashes - they don't last too long and I can usually get up and move around and they lessen. I am also taking Black Cohosh. The Oncologist said she would help me find something to lesson my menopausal symptoms since I cannot take hormone treatments.

I am off the narcotic pain meds as of Friday. Saturday was the first day without them. What a terrible weekend. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest the whole time and I couldn't do much more than just lay around, sleep and watch TV. I got to take my first shower in weeks on Saturday morning - so that day started out well - but ended in pain. We also got 8 inches of snow and the electricity went out for 3 hours. So I was cold, grumpy, in pain, tired and weepy. Not my finest hour. And on top of that I had the worst constipation (sorry) I have ever had in my entire life - caused by the narcotics - a great reason to get off of them quick. That and I have been in such a groggy state since I returned home that I can't remember much and forget words. I am told that not only the narcotics caused this but also the eight hours worth of anesthesia I was under during the surgery.

I will be honest - I did not FEEL God with me during this weekend. I didn't blame him or anything like that. I just kept focusing on myself and how I was feeling. I finally started praying again and reading Bible verses - which I really think is helping give me the strength to get on with my healing and take control of my health and future.

My husband has been great the last few weeks and has done everything I've asked of him and then some. I couldn't have done nearly as well without him. He has bathed me, dressed me, done the house work, taken care of the kids, taken care of the pets, encouraged me, held me when I'm weepy, and let me know he still finds me sexy. What more could a woman ask for in her man? God surely has blessed me with a great husband. I'm just sorry it took this journey for me to see it. 

I see the plastic surgeon on Friday. I hope to find out when reconstructions starts. In two weeks I see the Oncologist and will let her know my decision to pass on chemotherapy. She will discuss with me how and when I will go through cancer screenings so that I can be monitored and hopefully catch any cancer that may come along, if any.. But as far as I am concerned, I am cancer free and will stay that way until I die an old lady. If it hits me then, I will have chemotherapy if it is warranted. I am now going to go on with my life as I had originally planned. I will go back on my diet and get rid of the rest of my weight (about 40 pounds), get myself healthy and in shape, ride my horses, play with and love on my kids, pay more attention to my husband, and live my life for the Lord. :-)

May God Bless You in all you do!

TTFN,

Kelly