I am a breast cancer survivor!

It is Monday, third day after surgery, and I am well! I am cancer free, lymph nodes are clear, so it looks like I won't need any radiation or chemo treatments. Praise the Lord!

Before the surgery I had to have radioactive material pumped into my left breast's lymph nodes and after wards I was cat-scanned. I will not lie and say getting the radioactive material was a piece of cake. Actually it was quite painful. I've read different reactions from many different women that have had to have this procedure. I would say mine was somewhere in the middle. There were four shots given around the nipple. Each shot felt like I was getting stung by 1,000 bees. But once the needle came out, no pain. I just did my childbirth breathing, as recommended by the radiologist, and I did fine.

The surgery went well. They gave me valium before they wheeled me to OR so by the time I got to OR I was feeling really fine. I don't remember the trip to the OR at all. Next thing I knew I was on my way into my regular room. The surgery lasted about 8 hours - but it seemed like 5 minutes or less to me. I left the hospital on Saturday evening and went home via my sister Kathi's vehicle.

I will not say that having this surgery was easy. It was very hard. The hardest part was the anticipation before the surgery worrying about the lymph nodes, how the anethstesia would affect me, how much pain I would wake up to. But I'm glad that I did it - I really believe it saved my life and I thanked God and each doctor for doing just that. I have the best team of doctors. They were very patient with me and answered all my questions. I felt very safe in their hands.

There is pain and I'm pretty groggy from the pain meds. The surgeons all said I did remarkably well. God had a lot to do with that - and all those that prayed to Him on my behalf. Prayer works!

The pain is not as bad as I thought it would be. The oophorectomy pain is almost nill - so I can walk about and use my legs to push me into bed, etc. My chest is very sore and if I go too long without a pain pill I can really feel it. But each day there is more time between pain pills - so I am definitely healing.

I am carrying around 4 drainage tubes with little plastic bulbs at the end that suctions out the wound gunk to help me heal quicker. I also carry around a pain pump that pumps pain meds into me on a predefined schedule. I just carry it - don't have to do anything with it. My sisters and husband have all helped me at different shifts with the draining of the tubes and recording of how much gunk is removed. My sisters bathed me and washed my hair (that made me feel 1000% better - can't stand dirty hair). They are all taking good care of me.




This part of my journey has not been easy on anyone. We've had our little tiffs over how to best take care of me, etc. We are all human and make mistakes. And seeing a loved one look how I look (pretty weird and in pain) it is hard. I will admit I HATE asking for help. I am trying to remember that it's more than me that this journey is affecting. I am learning to be patient and ask for help. I think this is the hardest part so far in my journey.

One of my scrub nurses for the surgery was a breast cancer survivor and a Christian. I was so overjoyed when she told me about being a survivor. I told her that my Faith in God was getting me through it all Her face lit up with a huge smile and told me there was no way she could have gotten through hers without God. That took my fears away and I told her how much better she made me feel. She prayed for me through the surgery. I knew God was with me then because I had asked God for someone to pray for me in the surgery room - God is Awesome! I had three surgical teams working on me. One for the mastectomy, one for the reconstruction, and last for oophorectomy (removal of ovaries). Each member of the team met with me and were very nice and open about any questions.

I woke up from the anathstesia with no nasea or vomiting. In fact I was experience hunger pains. But I was only allowed ice chips for the rest of the night. I had  nystagmus (eyes involuntarily moving back and forth - 8 hours worth of anesthesia) when JIm, JJ and Kathi came in to see me. I kept telling Kathi that my eyes felt shaky. She told me to close them, which helped alleviate that feeling. It must have looked really weird to see my eyes doing that.

I had to have pressure cuffs around my calves to ward off blood clots (due to long surgery) - which ended up giving me light purple bruises in three places on my calves. I had the mastectomy surgeon check them when he visited me on Saturday morning because I wasn't sure if it was purple ink or bruises - apparently the cuffs were on too tight but I couldn't tell - I liked the massage they gave me.

I ate three full meals on Saturday before going home. I sat in bed during the morning and in a chair the rest of the day until I went home. I was up going to the restroom on my own after the plastic surgeon came into see me. He let them remove the oxygen, the cuffs, and the catheter so I could go the restroom on my own. By early afternoon I was walking the hallway.

The nursing staff took great care of me and were extremely nice. The ladies that delivered my food were really quick. I was shocked to find out that I could order my food from what looked like a restaurant menu and they brought it to my room within 10 minutes of ordering by phone.

Saturday evening it took a few minutes to get me safely to my bedroom. The dogs had to be let out and a pathway made to my room (kids aren't best housekeepers) Once I shuffled my way to my bedroom, I had the fun job of getting myself into our high 4 poster bed. When I finally got in it - AHHHHH - relief at last - my own bed.

Sunday I did pretty well - spent all day in my bed. Got a sponge bath, had tubes drained, watched TV, ate a great dessert dish made by my Kathi's friend Cynthia. My son helped out a lot. Jess got home in the afternoon - she was taken care of by my friend, Karen - to keep her mind off of me as she went to school on Friday and so should could attend a wedding with her best friend Chelsea (Karen's daughter). They had a really great time.

Today I am out in the living room sitting in the recliner. I'm not feeling as good today as I had been - but that is due gas and constipation. I was running A fever early this morning but was able to kick it with Tylenol. Bad thing about the pain meds - I itch and itch. But when I go to scratch, the itch stops, so I don't dig and cause wounds. I will be glad when I can be off the meds.

And apparently my menopause has kicked in already - I am having hot flashes. I hope I can find something to alleviate them as I am not allowed hormone treatments due to the type of cancer I had (love that word, had).

My dogs have not jumped on me once - my sisters and husband have been good about watching out for that. I'm really pleased with how the animals are behaving. I'm wondering if they just sense something is up and are taking it easy around me.

I walk fine - but can't stand up too straight yet. There was a lot of cutting of muscles during the reconstruction surgery, which is where most of the pain comes from. I can't take off the bandages until Wednesday. I'm hoping the pressure I'm feeling will lesson once they come off. Some of that is caused by the expanders being under the pectoral muscles - which are the muscles being stretched. The surgeon was able to expand me to half the size I was during the surgery. I will have to go on weekly visits to his offiice until I complete the expansion. Then I will have the outpatient surgery where my permament implants will replace the expanders.

I look pretty goofy at the moment, but that will change as time and healing take place. I'm looking forward to the day when I can get back to regular exercise and riding my horse.

Praise God I made it through and should have a speedy recovery!

Day Before Surgery

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

It is the day before surgery. I have to admit I'm a bit nervous mostly because I don't know how I will feel when I awaken after the surgery. I have been praying hourly and reading healing scriptures. The verse above came to me via an email subscription service. But what struck me was that it was part of my prayer to God this morning in the shower. This is one of the many ways God lets me know he hears my prayers and is watching over me.

I was so blessed last night. My husband brought all of us together and prayed for me. I was so moved! God is good! And my husband is great! He will take good care of me.

I also went to see my horses and goat last night. Poor Spice - I walked her over the rocks to get her ready for a ride and she cut her foot on a rock. So I put her in a stall in the barn and Donna put hydrogen peroxide on her wound. I decided that she needed to rest her foot and that Chunky would be too much horse for me or the kids to ride, so we went next door to my friend Phyllis' house and we rode her two horses Jazy and Sierra. Phyllis and I ponied the horses for JJ and Jessica. We walked them down the street to the Lutheren church, switched riders so I could ride and Jess could ride the other horse. We did a little trotting and went back to the bottom of the driveway where I put JJ on Jazy. JJ rode Jazy back up to the barn. All had a great, relaxing time. And Phyllis and I got our exercise.

I will be going to stay with my sister, Kathi, tonight. I have to shower tonight and tomorrow and apply ointment (numbing of aerola where injection will be given) to my breasts before getting to the hospital at 7:30. I have to first go to be admitted and then go to the Nuclear Medicine department to have my left breast injected with something that will allow the surgeon to see my sentinel lymph nodes during surgery. Pray they are not infected with cancer cells!



I don't have much else to say but I am as ready as I'll ever be. I'm sorry that I have to lose a few body parts - they have served me well and I will miss them. But my life is most important at this time, so I choose my life. When I am feeling better, I will make my next post about how the surgery went and how I'm feeling and what the future holds for me in the way of doctors appointments and treatments.

Peace and Blessings to all! - Kelly

One More Day Closer

It's Monday - a few more days until surgery. I worked all weekend cleaning up my bedroom, doing laundry, cleaning, getting ready. Can you ever really be "ready" for this type of surgery? No easy road to it. Parts of me want to go kicking and screaming into the night but other parts want it over with and to be cancer free. The cancer free part is winning out - the part that screams "Life" and "Family" and "God" and "Friends".

I've even discussed with my husband the "what if's". He didn't like to hear it - but I needed to let him know how I felt about "what if" this is the end of this journey. I know where I am going if this part of journey ends - I will be with my Father - my true Father. And if I end up getting through to continue my journey, I will still be with my true Father. So no matter what - I am with the true Light of Life. I have nothing to fear because He is with me. Who or what can be against me if He is for me? I love this Life - a true gift from God.

I had a talk with the devil today - and told Him that his cancer is not going to kill my Spirit or this body. He loses - again! I am fighting and I am winning! Oh Happy Day! God is Good!!!!

Week before surgery

Here I am on Saturday evening, a week before the surgery. I don't know that I will ever be completely ready for it, but I am probably as ready as I will ever be. I've come to accept that I will be in pain for awhile and will look different. I have worked all day at cleaning my bathroom and bedroom out, throwing out old clothes, old jewelry, old meds and toiletries. I'm doing this because these are the rooms that I will be seeing the most for the coming month of recovery. I want it to be uncluttered (as much as that is possible in my small house) so that I can rest a little easier and so that when people come to visit me my room and bathroom won't look like a third world country (I am not the worlds's best house keeper).

The journey towards surgery has had a few trip-ups so far. Our little goat, Misty, died of listeriosis this week. We tried to save her by bringing her to the house and nursing her, but the damage had already been done so we had to let her go. It was especially hard on my daughter. We've raised two baby goats from 3 weeks until this September when they turned one. The little boy is Rocky. He seemed to miss his sister at first but is alright with  his three other female goat friends. I really like the experience with the goats, who live where I board my horses. My boarder's daughters got really attached to Misty and Rocky. They were also upset when we lost Misty. My two goats are a lot of fun - very friendly and always happy to see everyone that comes to visit. They would have made great petting zoo animals. I guess that has to do with raising them from 3 weeks on and spending almost every possible moment with them. To say the least, they were spoiled. All of our animals get spoiled - we call our house the Conboy farm. Two dogs, 3 cats, 2 turtles and a cockatiel. If we could we'd have the horses and goats living here too, but don't have the acreage.

When I return from the hospital, my animals are going to have a hard time adjusting to having to stay away from me for awhile. They like to jump on me which I can't allow since I'll be healing. But my kids and husband will keep them busy, and we may be able to have small visits where they are held back so they can't jump. These are things you don't think about when you let your pets sleep in your bed. My german sheperd, Mercy, is going to be a basket case as she is my shadow when I'm home. She is next to me right now on the couch as I type this. She has our other dog, Buddy, to keep her company. So hopefully all will be fine there.

The next little problem that I ran into was that I was in a car accident on my way to work Friday morning. I was stopped at a crossing when the rear end of my van was side-swiped by another car. The driver and I exchanged information and I was able to go on my way to work. No one was hurt, just the cars. My bumper was damaged - but is not hanging off or anything, just banged up and a bit cut up. The claims adjuster came today. I will probably wait until after the surgery to have it fixed. Need to make sure I have money in case we have to pay the $500 deductible.

I am hoping that the rest of my days before surgery will be uneventful. We are all doing well. My son tells me he loves me many times a day, but then he's always been that way with me. My daughter and her friend are working together to get my jewelry mess cleaned up. I am so blessed to have such great kids. I have such a great relationship with both of them. It is nice to know that they both trust me enough to come to me with all their problems and to tell me their dreams and what they like in their lives. Not everyone has such a relationship. I was close to my parents as well. So maybe they passed on something to me that allows me to be a good parent. I am not perfect by any means. But they know that and accept my imperfections. I am so thankful that God blessed me with children. I have had such a great time raising them! I am so looking forward to the day they give me grand children (if they want to have children). And I'm looking forward to another motorcycle ride with my husband. We didn't get to do that this year since his bike was damaged during a strong wind storm. Hopefully next spring we'll get to ride.

I met with my plastic surgeon on Monday. I am definitely having the saline implants. He will put in expanders under my pectoral muscles during the first surgery. In a few months I go back as out patient and get them replaced with saline implants. After that heals then I get the cosmetic work of the nipples and aerola - or at least what will look like them. After the first surgery I will be wrapped tight and will have tubes coming out of my wounds and a pain pump in the middle of my chest. I will look pretty pathetic from the sounds of it.  But after the first week (around Thursday) I will go to visit the plastic surgeon, who will remove the bandages, check my wounds and give me an idea of how much longer the tubes will have to remain. Somewhere during that time I will also be visiting my general surgeon who will do the mastecomies and probably the gynecological surgeon who will do the ovary removals. This will not be a very dignified time for me. But the good part is that it gives me a much better chance to live to see my children grow and have families of their own. That is first and foremost in my mind. And my husband and I get to grow old together. And I get to ride my horses and enjoy a good long life. This is just a small hiccup through my journey of life. I think my purpose in life is to put other's at ease and to show them what a good attitude can do for you even when faced with a life-threatening illness. God has been so good to me through all of this. His peace is always with me, and no matter what bad things happen, I know He's with me through it all and holding me up when I need it.

Weekend - Horse Ride for Cancer and Other Things

I rode my horse, Chunky, on Saturday for the "Ride the Trail to a Cure" in Mont Alto PA with 3 friends - Winnie, Diane and Phyllis and their horses Spirit, Sierra and Jazz. The day turned out to be the perfect day for a ride, not the bad all rainy day it was supposed to be. The ride ended up collecting over $10K which was awesome. I met a lot of wonderful people and their horses. It was a good day on Saturday.

Today, Sunday, not so good. My one year old goat, Misty, ended up getting very ill. We had to have the vet come out today and found out she has Listeriosis. Over the next week I have my goat in my basement and am nursing her back to health with a large mixture of drugs that the very nice vet provided to my in injection form. Today I learnd how to give a shot via skin and via muscle. By the end of all this my goat may end up hating me, but it will be a healthy hate. She should be back to herself by Friday.

Tomorrow I meet with the plastic surgeon. I have a bunch of questions for him, so will be taking a list and will try to post the questions and answers on my next posting.

Have a blessed day today and the rest of your week! Love ya'll! 

Kelly

Good Day Today

Nothing really new to report. All is well. I had a good day today. Spent work day laughing and joking with co-workers in between working. I am having a bit of trouble with my right shoulder. Has to do with how I'm sitting at my workstation. I can't seem to get myself positioned correctly to stop the discomfort. I think I need to get up from my desk more often. I sit way too long on my butt all day! At least I work out most mornings so I am getting exercise.

I did learn that my plastic surgeon was contacted by my insurance company so all looks good to go for the surgery.

Getting myself psyched for this Saturday's cancer ride in PA. I am hoping that my horse, Chunky, will behave for me. He usually does better away from home. He is getting much more brave when we go on rides. He is not so buddy sour anymore. He actually likes to take the lead, which he never has really liked to do in the 3 1/2 years I've had him. I love riding him and spending time with him. He really lowers my stress level and helps me to relax. I'm so glad I have him and my other horse, Spice. When I start to feel down, all I have to do is go to the farm where I board them and I feel instantly better. I've heard horse back riding is very therapeutic. It will be awhile after the surgery before I can ride, but it will be cold any way. I don't do much riding during colder months. By springtime I should be getting back into shape physically so that I can ride again. I am looking forward to that time.

Almost every day I find someone new that has me on a prayer list. It is wonderful that God is helping me to meet so many wonderful people and to be able touch lives in a positive way. I wish, though, that I was better at writing and could put some more humor into this blog. I so want to joke about my breast cancer to lighten the mood. I want people to be comfortable around me and be able to ask questions or give me their insight. Life is no fun if you can't laugh at it sometimes.

I did forget to mention in my other blog entries that I had an MRI done before I got the results of my genetic testing. The remnants of my tumor after needle biopsy were down to about 3 mm from .75 cm. No other cancer showed up in either breast. My new prayer is that the remnant died and is not spreading to lymph nodes so that when I do have the mastecomies my lymph nodes don't have to be removed.

I know God loves me. He talks to me all the time through circumstances, other people, email, etc. The following Bible verses popped up in my email box today. It's when I get these types of emails that I know He is speaking directly to me. He is letting me know that He is with me every step of the way through this journey.


"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, 'For your sake we are killed every day, we are being slaughtered like sheep.') No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:35-39 NLT

 

Have a Blessed Day!

Kelly

Another Posting

During this journey, there will be up days and down days. Life will happen no matter if I am sick or well. And things seem to happen in my life in bunches instead of one at a time - I'm sure most people find this to be the case with their life's journey.

I am so caught up in my worries about what I am going through, that I forget that those that are with me on this journey are also affected. I have to be very careful to tread lightly on those that care about me so that I don't add insult to injury. I am trying to keep a positive attitude but there are times when I just get touchy or mean and am not my normal self. And then there are times when I am my normal self - and that isn't always a good thing. Smile :-)

I find I am making many more mistakes than I usually do. I am much more forgetful than I have been and feel like I am, at times, a total air head. My concentration seems to be not as easily kept. I wish I could stop thinking about the upcoming surgery. It is only the last two nights that I have gotten a good night's sleep. And I think that is only because I prayed to God to take over so that I could rest. Which worked!

I am exercising about three times a week. I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life. I've been dieting since mid-may and have dropped 30 pounds (on purpose). And in the midst of life and being in great health comes breast cancer - sneaking up on my from nowhere like a thief in the night. I am not happy about it, but there is nothing to do but either whine and cry and ask "Why Me" or just accept it as a temporary hiccup in my life's path and get through it with a postive attitude and a heavy reliance on God to get me through it. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Phillipians 4:13

It is not because of God that I am sick - there is no blame to be made here. I am not angry at anyone, just the cancer itself. And I will fight it with all that I have and all that God gives me until I am back to my healthy self. I will be fine. I will survive. I will get passed this part of my journey and live to tell the tale! God please grant me the patience I need with others and especially with myself.