Week before surgery

Here I am on Saturday evening, a week before the surgery. I don't know that I will ever be completely ready for it, but I am probably as ready as I will ever be. I've come to accept that I will be in pain for awhile and will look different. I have worked all day at cleaning my bathroom and bedroom out, throwing out old clothes, old jewelry, old meds and toiletries. I'm doing this because these are the rooms that I will be seeing the most for the coming month of recovery. I want it to be uncluttered (as much as that is possible in my small house) so that I can rest a little easier and so that when people come to visit me my room and bathroom won't look like a third world country (I am not the worlds's best house keeper).

The journey towards surgery has had a few trip-ups so far. Our little goat, Misty, died of listeriosis this week. We tried to save her by bringing her to the house and nursing her, but the damage had already been done so we had to let her go. It was especially hard on my daughter. We've raised two baby goats from 3 weeks until this September when they turned one. The little boy is Rocky. He seemed to miss his sister at first but is alright with  his three other female goat friends. I really like the experience with the goats, who live where I board my horses. My boarder's daughters got really attached to Misty and Rocky. They were also upset when we lost Misty. My two goats are a lot of fun - very friendly and always happy to see everyone that comes to visit. They would have made great petting zoo animals. I guess that has to do with raising them from 3 weeks on and spending almost every possible moment with them. To say the least, they were spoiled. All of our animals get spoiled - we call our house the Conboy farm. Two dogs, 3 cats, 2 turtles and a cockatiel. If we could we'd have the horses and goats living here too, but don't have the acreage.

When I return from the hospital, my animals are going to have a hard time adjusting to having to stay away from me for awhile. They like to jump on me which I can't allow since I'll be healing. But my kids and husband will keep them busy, and we may be able to have small visits where they are held back so they can't jump. These are things you don't think about when you let your pets sleep in your bed. My german sheperd, Mercy, is going to be a basket case as she is my shadow when I'm home. She is next to me right now on the couch as I type this. She has our other dog, Buddy, to keep her company. So hopefully all will be fine there.

The next little problem that I ran into was that I was in a car accident on my way to work Friday morning. I was stopped at a crossing when the rear end of my van was side-swiped by another car. The driver and I exchanged information and I was able to go on my way to work. No one was hurt, just the cars. My bumper was damaged - but is not hanging off or anything, just banged up and a bit cut up. The claims adjuster came today. I will probably wait until after the surgery to have it fixed. Need to make sure I have money in case we have to pay the $500 deductible.

I am hoping that the rest of my days before surgery will be uneventful. We are all doing well. My son tells me he loves me many times a day, but then he's always been that way with me. My daughter and her friend are working together to get my jewelry mess cleaned up. I am so blessed to have such great kids. I have such a great relationship with both of them. It is nice to know that they both trust me enough to come to me with all their problems and to tell me their dreams and what they like in their lives. Not everyone has such a relationship. I was close to my parents as well. So maybe they passed on something to me that allows me to be a good parent. I am not perfect by any means. But they know that and accept my imperfections. I am so thankful that God blessed me with children. I have had such a great time raising them! I am so looking forward to the day they give me grand children (if they want to have children). And I'm looking forward to another motorcycle ride with my husband. We didn't get to do that this year since his bike was damaged during a strong wind storm. Hopefully next spring we'll get to ride.

I met with my plastic surgeon on Monday. I am definitely having the saline implants. He will put in expanders under my pectoral muscles during the first surgery. In a few months I go back as out patient and get them replaced with saline implants. After that heals then I get the cosmetic work of the nipples and aerola - or at least what will look like them. After the first surgery I will be wrapped tight and will have tubes coming out of my wounds and a pain pump in the middle of my chest. I will look pretty pathetic from the sounds of it.  But after the first week (around Thursday) I will go to visit the plastic surgeon, who will remove the bandages, check my wounds and give me an idea of how much longer the tubes will have to remain. Somewhere during that time I will also be visiting my general surgeon who will do the mastecomies and probably the gynecological surgeon who will do the ovary removals. This will not be a very dignified time for me. But the good part is that it gives me a much better chance to live to see my children grow and have families of their own. That is first and foremost in my mind. And my husband and I get to grow old together. And I get to ride my horses and enjoy a good long life. This is just a small hiccup through my journey of life. I think my purpose in life is to put other's at ease and to show them what a good attitude can do for you even when faced with a life-threatening illness. God has been so good to me through all of this. His peace is always with me, and no matter what bad things happen, I know He's with me through it all and holding me up when I need it.